beautiful lies

everybody demands honesty, but scarcely anbody is able to bear the truth -

Photo by Mickael Gresset on Unsplash

we want to whitewash the reality and like to wear our rose-coloured glasses. of course life is easier when we don't have to face the uncomfortable truth, so this behaviour is probably quite natural. thus it is also not uncommon that we get upset for hearing things we rather suppress. It is often something emotional to deal with such thing so it might lead to anger and conflict as an impulse. but after calming down and reflecting in silence, i think a mature, stable person should be able to admit unpleasant things to theirself. this is the only way that leads to changes and so to become more satisfied with the circumstances (which obviously disturb us when they make us react so upset)

the mechanism of suppressing is familiar from little children, who cover their ears and behave like "what i cannot hear/see does not exist", and get stubborn or angry when they are confrontated with the issue they are upset about. also it is also well known that often the messenger of bad news is the one to blame. but through all experiences during growing up, at some point this childish attitude should be put aside. as an adult having both feet on the ground, one should be able to deal with the truth (said as its meant) with objective criticism, or any other issue that somehow is uncomfortable.

i don't get, why people want to be lied to permanently and i don't want to appreciate this so-called  "politeness" which i rather like to call "hypocrisy". that does not mean i don't want to be empathetic or sensitive when it's required - but also in case of comforting i don't want to deviate from the truth. there it is more about how you say something. the art is to act honestly but also see, to whom you have to talk and act in which way. or how important the facts are in this moment and if i think, confrontating would result in a solution.

in my opinion when hearing something hurts, there are two ways: after spotting why it exactly hurts, you can choose if you want to change it or leave and accept it.

[of course this is not always easy and for some painful issues maybe not always possible, such things are not what i talk about here. and what i also absolutely do n o t want to say is that it is okay to offend people, or constantly critizise them (unobjectively) without a reason (on the contrary: this might rather support the "childish" behaviour as a protetion reaction and is also childish as well (or even more))]

but what i find absolutely wrong is accusing people who speak out the neutral truth of being offensive.

there are several everyday aspects which are declared as no go to be spoken out. for example talking about the age of a woman or someone being overweight. of course nobody should get personal and insult someone because of this. but why should things like this not also be stated as a fact, like being brown-haired, small, young, green-eyed and so on?

i weigh too much. i know that - my scale shows that, my mirror shows that, my dress size shows that. it obviously can't be denied. but when i normally talk about that ( e. g. "i hardly find a good pair of trousers because i have too thick thighs") people start telling me "no you aren't thick!!" and my initial reaction is "are you kidding me?" of course i am. and i did not say that it's something negative. but if everybody wants me to believe that i am not thick - so obviously it has to be something negative for them? is it so unusal that somebody is honest to themselves that people think they have to cover me in lies to seemingly comfort me where there is no reason to comfort?

the other way around people sometimes seem to be puzzled when i do not use such euphemisms for example to describe a person in a neutral way as maybe "long blonde hair, thick and wearing glasses" i feel like sometimes it is seen as mean oder offensive.

even more unintelligible to me are situations in which a person adresses the aspect by oneself and than feels insulted by a honest answer. - "honey does that dress makes me look fat?" or "i think i put on weight" are prominent examples that might put the counterpart into trouble easily. i will never understand why people do so? i mean - when i put on a dress and ask someone how i look in it i usually want an actual answer. of course i may be disappointed that the beautiful dress does not fit me, but i rather know that, instead someone telling me i look good and in reality it is really unflattering. when i note i absolutely do not fit into my favourite jeans anymore, and state that i gained some weight, what does it help me when someone says that i did not? when i'm annoyed about my extra pounds, then i should work on getting rid of them, not pretending they are not there and being mad at people who agree with my perception. and at least when i do not want to hear such things i should not ask for.

another aspect i occasionally hear or read, is that it should be self-evident that talking to women about their age or weight is a no go in general. everybody should know that. even selfhatred and eating disorders are promoted because of this. - yes it might be this way, if you bully and harass someone therefore.

but by making it a general taboo in my opinion it even more promotes the thought: being thick is something bad, so i have to be thin or have to hide it.

stating, that it should be clear that one must not talk to women about this, also includes the thought, that women in general are unconfident and have to define theirselves by their outward appeareance. the fact that many women indeed are sad when they have no ideal body weight is mostly based on the idea that a woman has to be perfect and beautiful. this idea is further fed when it is tought, that you should not say to a woman she also has flaws. when friends joke about each other, it is common to make fun about chubby guys - so when some of my friends pinch me in my belly and make a joke, people often are looking like it's unbelievable someone dares to do so - or cannot understand, why i not feel insulted by that. they often cannot believe their ears when i say, that my boyfriend tells me honestly when i put on weight and i am not mad at him.

i know that i could weigh less, but i know that in the moment i don't do, so i am fine with that fact. if i were not, i had to be more disciplinated and eat half as much. when i had to describe myself at the moment, the word thick would be in there. not - at many people assume - to blackguard myself because i am little confident, but the contrary: i am confident enough to see being thick as nothing to shame about or hide. although i liked my precious body appearance better i see no reason why i should pretend, that i still weigh less?

the body type is just one out of plenty examples which embodies the thin line between honesty and rudeness in everyday life. it is another example for rather fighting symptoms instead of causes. in the first place of course it is more comfortable to wear the rose-coulored glass and rather get featherbedded by others to feel well. but the comfort is over in any situation where the truth cannot be denied or suppressed. so why not face the truth for one time, and change it or be fine with it later. once the rose-coloured glassed are put off, no effort has to be made anymore to hide and pretend anything. it would lead to less emotional disputes and that we do not have to think twice if we call things by their name or have to euphemize them.